Adventures in voice mail

Or how to turn away guests before they even reach your door

By Eric Minton

"Thank you for calling (this large, long-established theme park). If you know the extension of the party you are calling, you may dial that at any time. For the company directory, press one. To reach an operator, press zero."

I pressed one. "Please key in the last name first." The person I needed was of French descent with a name that began with "St." I pressed 7-8, then paused, uncertain how to dial a period or whether to move on to the first letter of the rest of her name. The automated voice mail system interpreted my delay as a finished entry and began listing names, none of them starting with "S-T." So, I moved on to the rest of the last name, and after pressing a couple of numbers, the computer voice told me, "You have selected extension 7437." The phone rang three times before another computer voice told me to leave a message after the tone.

No! I didn't know for whom I was leaving a message. So I hit zero. The computer told me I was being transferred to an attendant. After a few rings, an actual human being answered. "Electronics," he said. Uh, I'm trying to find St. Name. "She doesn't work here. You got the electronics department. Do you want me to transfer you to the operator?" I said no, thanked him, hung up and started over. "Thank you for calling (this large, long-established theme park). If you know the extension of the party you are calling, you may dial that at any time. For the company directory, press one. To reach an operator, press zero." I pressed zero. After several rings I got a voice mail— the safety manager's.

The first impression many guests form of your facility comes long before they even reach your parking lot; it comes when they call for admission times and prices. And an industry supplier’s advertising may inspire clients, but that all-important trust that leads to product purchase starts only when they call for more information. Is your voice mail system alienating your customers before you even have a chance to win them over?

Voice mail has become a necessary evil of our too-busy, technological time. Even people who say they hate voice mail probably have it and use it, too. The buying public on the whole is adapting to voice mail, and some even prefer it to operators who know little and associates taking phantom messages. Thanks to voice mail, callers can now make their own way to a recipient and deliver their message directly. Aside from customer convenience, voice mail is also a laborsaving measure for companies.

Voice mail gets its bad rap when it acts more clueless than any human operator could. With a human operator, you can at least ask for a supervisor, or call back to get mollification. Some voice mails, though, catch you in— ahem— "the loop," when the call automatically rebounds to a previous menu. At one amusement facility, the person I called was on medical leave. Her voice mail included the name of the associate I should contact in the interim and instructed me to "dial zero for the operator, and she'll transfer you." I pressed zero and heard an automated voice say, "Valid attendant number has not been specified. To record a message, press 5. For more information, press star." I pressed star. After a moment I heard, "There is no recorded message." It then listed a menu of options, including pressing zero to reach "the attendant." I pressed zero. "Valid attendant number has not been specified. . ."

For the past year I have been monitoring my voice mail encounters in the industry. The highlights:

• I called the main switchboard of one large theme park. "Your call is important to us. Please hold and your call will be taken in the order it was received." I heard this message six times in the seven minutes I waited.

• I called a mid-size waterpark and, unable to reach my party, opted for the receptionist. "Your call will be answered shortly." The voice mail then delivered a sales pitch— an effective use of voice mail holding time—that concluded with "have a great day!" Then total silence; only the hum of no one there. I waited for 30 seconds, uncertain whether I still had a live phone, before the message repeated. I lasted through five messages and subsequent silences before a human being answered. How many people in that initial 30-second silence opted to have a great day instead and hung up?

• I called the main number of one of the nation's leading zoos. No answer. I tried an alternative number and reached an operator who couldn't find the person I needed and sent me to a totally unrelated department. The friendly man who answered there told me to call another number and "use the voice mail tree." I called the number, but every menu item I tried resulted in a busy signal. I finally hit zero and another human operator sent me to yet another totally unrelated department where yet another friendly man told me to call the number I just called and "use the voice mail tree." I gave up. A week later when I was visiting that zoo (having never made prior contact with anybody), I heard somebody leave a voice mail message over the loudspeakers. Either they had somehow been routed to the wrong circuit, or one of the elephants is named "Bob," is an engineer, and has his own answering machine.

Anybody who has been caught in similar voice mail netherworlds will recognize some recurring themes: wait time, helplessness and, perhaps worst of all, doubt. Do any of your other customer service operations leave people wondering whether they got served or not? The example of the zoo illustrates an organization with a voice mail system in total disarray, and yet the staff steadfastly expresses faith in the system and sends their customers to leave messages with Bob the engineering elephant.

The last point leads to the first of my tips for ensuring effective voice mail systems in your organization:

• Call yourself. Occasionally navigate your own voice mail tree to make sure menu options lead to the proper branches. When a customer or client mentions having problems with your voice mail system, follow up immediately. Every minute you delay is potential for lost patronage.

• Shorten wait times. You're trying to do it for rides in the parks and for deliveries with products; you need to pay equal attention to how long people have to hang on to your phone lines before they get served (or hang up first). This may be a labor issue (how many receptionists/operators can you hire on staff?), but consider defaulting calls that have been on hold for a couple minutes to a stand-by staff member.

• Offer company directories by both employee name and by department. Should you use first or last names? Company size may determine that choice, but when setting up your directory, plan ahead how you intend to handle people with such prefixed names as "St." and "von," and those whose culture puts the family name first.

• You don't want to confuse callers with long-winded instructions. On the other hand, you don't want callers to go punch-number crazy. The voice mail system should answer the phone in a friendly manner and quickly direct the caller to no more than a half dozen options. A second level of menus can further direct them, but the third set of rings should land the caller with an operator or a person's voice mail.

• Let the caller know when he or she is on hold and the line is still alive. If you use music, choose a soundtrack that is appropriate to your facility or, if your park stages shows, a recording from the show. Mention promotions to those waiting on hold; you could even offer special "you heard it hear" discounts. Unlike other advertising mediums, however, frequency is not a goal here; the more a caller hears a message, the more he or she equates it with being "stuck on hold."

• Voice mail etiquette should be part of your company's new employee training and orientation, and it should start with top management. So many people sound like they are heading for the dentist when they record their voice mail messages. If you sound like you really don't want to take any calls, why would people leave a message? As part of your company's public image, individual voice mail messages should be concise and pleasant. Don't go to the other extreme, either, and get too cute with the humor and too-sunny disposition.

• Tailor your voice mails to the situation. If you are on the road or in meetings all day, saying so on the voice mail gives your clients an accurate time frame for when they should expect returned calls. Give the caller an optional person to call, but try to direct callers to that option with a single step. If you do change your voice mail for situations, update it when the situation changes. "I will be out of the office through March 20," is fine, but not when it is already March 23.

• Many people wear many hats in a company and have to recite a litany of numbers to call on their voice mail messages: "If you're calling for charitable contributions, do this, if you're calling for character appearances, do this, if you're calling for promotions," etc. These messages may be necessary, but at least offer those of us who want to talk to YOU the option of skipping these instructions. Sherrie Brammall, public relations director for Schlitterbahn Waterpark Resort in New Braunfels, Texas, starts her voice mail message with, "To skip to the beep, push pound."

Simple, pleasant, fast, and leaves me assured I'm being attended to.

Eric Minton, editor-in-chief of THE LOOP, is a 30-year veteran journalist, having worked stints as a beat reporter, sports writer, music critic, copy desk editor and city desk editor for weekly and daily newspapers. As a free-lancer, Minton has written more than 1,000 articles for almost 100 different publications, including national consumer magazines and trade publications. For more information, visit www.ericminton.com.

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